Secret Smile - Semisonic

I've mentioned before in this blog how certain songs can tie me to certain people in my life...specifically women. I'd say that "Secret Smile" defines that concept moreso than any other.

In late 2005, a lovely young woman began working with me at my previous job. We bonded quickly and an easy, flirty chemistry developed. We had much in common, but a love of music was at the top of the list. It didn't take me long to become somewhat infatuated, but she was taken, so I assumed there was little I could expect or do.

One evening, we decided to spend some time together outside of work. I invited her to my apartment and what followed was hours upon hours of great conversation. I put my computer's media player on random, knowing she'd enjoy our shared passion in the background. As the night deepened, we got a little closer, still relatively innocent, but undeniably intimate, too. Finally, well after midnight, stretched on the couch with her in my arms, this song came on...and I sang.

For those who know me as a karaoke junkie now, that might not be surprising, but at the time, I wasn't nearly as sure of myself or my vocal ability. In that moment, with her grinning and so close, I had no fear. So I sang to her proudly and clearly, every word of the song...

Nobody knows it, but you've got a secret smile
And you use it only for me

It was oddly appropriate, because she did have a certain way of smiling when she was around me. Our story was certainly longer and more complicated after that night, but this song and others would be a continuous soundtrack to our confusing and exciting ride.

I may never sing to her again, but I owe her my voice and much of my confidence. "Secret Smile" will always belong to her and I'm certain when she hears or listens to it, many good memories flood her as well...and that she smiles.

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